So, how was your weekend?
by Morphalgia
Summary: Dave had been away since Friday night because of some business stuff of Bro's, now that he's back he explains to John why it was awful. John/Dave/John, masturbation, phonesex, erotic asphyxiation, graphically depicted wet dream.


**Re-upload. Apparently, FF net deleted a huge bunch of stories some days ago just because of curse words in the summaries/titles. :T  
**

* * *

**- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 13:27 - **

EB: dave!

EB: hey!

EB: i kinda missed you very much

EB: it's been the whole weekend

EB: damn, your bro's a cockblock you know?

TG: yeah

TG: i actually missed you more than i thought i would too

TG: in a completely ironic sort of way

EB: hehe

EB: so, sup?

TG: meh

TG: everything was boring and nothing was nice and shit

TG: and like

TG: you know we were staying in a hotel and i had to share a room with bro?

EB: yeah, you told me

TG: fucking hell man

TG: out of all nights

TG: saturday night had to be the one i got dreams id very much rather not have around bro and woke up with a huge fucking boner

TG: and he had already left by then

TG: so he probably definitely saw

TG: and who knows if i sleep talk or whatever

TG: it was literally the most uncool thing ever

EB: oh, so i don't leave your mind even when you're sleeping?

EB: wow dave, i never knew

EB: haha

TG: stop fucking giggling bastard

TG: yeah so maybe you dont

EB: interesting that you'd say that

EB: because i was masturbating to you not long before you finally woke up

TG: what

TG: were you now

EB: yup.

EB: and i was wondering when the next time neither my dad nor your bro would be home

EB: so we could maybe go on webcams and mics and give each other a nice show and stuff

EB: say, what did you do sunday morning after you woke up?

TG: uh

EB: isn't having nothing to say uncool, dave?

TG: wow thats an unexpected side of you

TG: well i just fapped and came after like 5 minutes because its not like morning wood is new to me

TG: its just that im pretty sure i said your name in my sleep or whatever

EB: what happened in that dream, really?

EB: i want details

TG: uh

TG: fuck

TG: well like

TG: we were in my room or whatever i dont even remember

TG: having a sloppy make-out session

TG: and i had put a hand inside your shirt and was pinching your nipple before i was like fuck it and just ripped your whole shirt off

TG: and started biting and sucking on your neck and shit

TG: oh now that i mentioned it

TG: the hickeys havent faded have they

TG: hell mine havent and you werent half as rough as i was

EB: nope, not at all and they don't seem to be fading anytime soon

EB: i would get a scarf if it wasn't summer and i didn't really give a fuck who knew

TG: damn

EB: and then?

TG: and then well

TG: it was pretty chill

TG: we were completely naked and i was grinding my cock against yours and shit like that

EB: continue

TG: ...

TG: then you kind of

TG: well

TG: pinned me down and licked from my jawline to my hipbone and

TG: fuck i dont even want to say it and that is literally so not

TG: fuck

TG: you were licking my ass for a while and i liked it a bit too much okay

TG: then you forced your dick in my mouth and demanded me to suck until you got lubed up completely

EB: go on, don't be silent

EB: this is pretty interesting so far

EB: oh come on dave

TG: fine whatever

TG: then you pulled out my mouth and entered my ass instead

TG: no preparations like i was a blushing virgin fortunately

TG: nevermind the fact that i just may be

TG: and then you fucked me senseless till i forgot my own name and i enjoyed the whole thing

TG: not even ironically enjoyed it

TG: just loved it pretty much

TG: and i woke up before the dream ended and not only felt like a huge sissy and horny as fuck but also lonely as fuck after realising youre miles away

TG: which does sound pretty sissy

TG: fuck man dave strider isnt sissy

EB: if you want my opinion, that was a pretty hot dream i'd like to see coming true someday

EB: seriously

EB: who knew what you wanted all along was me to fuck your ass davey

EB: i thought it'd be the other way round

TG: dont call me davey

TG: it might as well fucking be

TG: but maybe id be topping from bottom or whatever

TG: because damn you have a nice ass i want to abuse

TG: but well

TG: your eyes are really fucking pretty

TG: in an ironical sense of course

TG: and in that position its like i get the best view

TG: though honestly i could look in your eyes from no matter what angle

TG: and your whole face and your whole fucking body and just you

TG: i actually have genuinely the hardest boner ever known to mankind at the moment

EB: i would be more than glad to help if i was there

EB: since i'm in kind of a similar situation

TG: what were you thinking about when you were fapping before anyway

EB: you and your beautiful face and the freckles you got because of the heat

EB: i think your freckles are adorable, okay

EB: i kind of wish you'd have them all year long and not just the hottest weeks of summer

EB: and your shoulders

EB: your whole clavicle turns me on

EB: and damn don't get me started on your hands

EB: i've honestly never seen anyone with hands as sexy-looking as yours

EB: well fuck, now i wish we could do that webcam thing

EB: my dad's sleeping

EB: is your bro home?

TG: well

TG: i dont think he is and he probably isnt but he always comes back silently

TG: and i cant really go and check

EB: alright then

EB: send me a picture.

TG: what

EB: damn it, dave, how slow are you

EB: take a picture of you holding your cock against your stomach and send me it

EB: and don't you dare to actually start touching yourself until i tell you to

TG: youre a fucking bastard

TG: no seriously

**turntechGodhead [TG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] file "Photo1949 jpeg"**

EB: teehee

EB: oh, whoa

EB: you weren't lying

EB: fuck i want you right now

TG: and i need you

TG: but apparently i cant even get off by my fucking self unless you instruct me to or whatever the fucking shit

EB: so obedient

TG: fuck you

TG: bastard

EB: you so would right now

EB: and i'd beg for it

EB: but anyway

EB: let's go on mics, surely it'd be tons easier to hide what's going on if someone walked in compared to cams

EB: and if we just made the same amount of noise we usually make when we're just having a wank like any other day no one'd even notice

TG: phonesex wouldnt be fun if i had no visuals though egbert

TG: come on man i sent you like my best pic

TG: why do you not ever think about my needs too?

TG: dont make me say please john

**ectoBiologist [EB] sent turntechGodhead [TG] file "Photo0092 jpeg" **

TG: much better

TG: now send me one of your face focusing on your mouth mostly

EB: hey, why do you get two pictures and i only get one?

**turntechGodhead [TG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] file "Photo1950 jpeg"**

EB: that made my cock twitch

EB: fair enough

**ectoBiologist [EB] sent turntechGodhead [TG] file "Photo0095 jpeg" **

TG: fuck

TG: seriously that grin of yours

TG: if i saw it with some of my cum on the side it would seriously be the death of me

TG: now let me see those blue pretty eyes of yours

**ectoBiologist [EB] sent turntechGodhead [TG] file "Photo0098 jpeg" **

TG: goddamn

TG: alright man mic time

EB: fucking finally

* * *

You're more than eager to put your headset on and log in to your Skype account, feeling like you have discovered a new primitive need in your body and it was called John. You just want John right now and nothing else, his pictures, his voice, hell you'd do anything to have his body wrapped around you right now, but no matter what, you only want John and that's it.

Your dick is so hard and so desperate for even just one tiny touch it's twitching and leaking pre-cum, and you can honestly not comprehend how exactly you haven't done anything but hold it for the picture and even then not even pump it once.

You hate to admit it, because you're not only a Strider but motherfucking Dave Strider, and Dave Strider never does anything unironically or even considers anything that is uncool, and acting like he's the submissive bitch when he _isn't _is definitely not cool – but a dominant John truly makes you so aroused you nearly forget how to think properly, and oh fuck he's been calling for a bit now and you only just noticed the annoying beeping tune, shit.

You answer the call and a hitched breath greets you.

"Fucking hell, Dave, took a while," John complains, and even in your current state you can't help but unconsciously let yourself smile, one of those rare smiles that showed genuine happiness and weren't just a mischievous smirk, at the sound of his voice.

"Clearly, I got so excited to I couldn't even remember how to use a computer mouse for a minute."

Not really a lie.

"Anyway, when am I allowed to start jacking off already?" you ask, careful to not be so loud you can be heard from outside your room in case Bro's around.

"Hmm..." John just hums, and you could swear that you just detected a cunning smirk behind the tone of his voice. "I don't know."

And with that, you can definitely tell the bastard's not having any restrictions on himself, a light flicking noise that's seemingly increasing in pace accompanied by a few heavy sighs. Because that's what he is. A fucking bastard.

You says so, and the bastard feigns hurt. "Aw, and I was just about to say you could start", he answers, and you both know that's a lie. And yet you're still obeying to his every word.

Definitely not cool and ironic at all.

"Why don't you look at the pictures I sent you?" the slightly younger boy purrs, and you do just that.

John's silly boxers with that stupid pattern you honestly find astonishingly uncool lowered so his own also surprisingly hard cock's head and just a bit of the shaft are visible – fucking tease.

John's mouth in a grin only he can pull off and a grin you would recognise among millions, looking as sly as that fucking grin always is, and you think his buck teeth that aren't even that noticeable anymore only look just so sexy pressed against his bottom lip – you would die and kill for that grin.

John's eyes, his dark blue eyes covered by those glasses that are honestly some of the most beautiful things you could ever imagine you would get to see that always pull you in into their gaze as seriously uncool as that sounds to you, now looking at you half-closed, pupils rather dilated and just full of lust – you could never get enough of his eyes even if it was the only thing you saw day to night.

Suddenly, you feel a mushy feeling take over. It's not bad, the complete opposite if anyone ever asked; but you hate admitting that feeling, it isn't something this cool badass named Dave Strider should feel.

It gets too much, anyway.

"John?"

"Mm...? Hah..." John asks back, between a sigh of pleasure.

You go silent for only a moment.

"I love you."

The flicking noise and the pants and sighs stop.

"I really do. Anyway, since you stopped, I assume this only means I have your permission..." your speech turns into nothing more than a whisper as you move your right hand to your neglected boner, and fuck, this is honestly the first time you've ever groaned and it wasn't even a groan as much as it was your going "ah" for more than half a second, kind of three seconds really, but it sure as hell sounded feminine and way too much like an actual groan and _damn_ this isn't cool.

Well, you're not acting like you're John's bitch or something anymore, and you can finally give your cock the attention it craved. That is cool in some ways.

Having all three pictures opened up in your monitor in a fashion that every detail is visible, despite none being not fully zoomed in, you waste no time going as fast as you can, now your turn to let short gasps escape your throat before you're the one to get interrupted.

"Hey, Dave..."

When was the last time John had sounded so... craving, so desperate? And not for food apparently, heck, that was pretty much always.

"Yeah?"

"Hold your breath."

"... What?"

"Hold your breath, I want you to be asphyxiating yourself for preferably as long as you can as you masturbate."

That was a fetish you didn't expect John, of all people, would have, but you're kind of more than willing to try.

Inhaling deeply, you shut your mouth and cover the bridge of your nose with your left hand, and continue pumping your red and burning cock that's slowly getting soaked in pre-cum, not realising how hard it actually feels against your hand until now.

You wonder what John would have done had he had the chance to get his hands on it right now, and you need to breath, you know you can go on much longer without breathing but your body is needing all your willpower to resist its contradicting need of exhaling already, and you try to not take a single breath even if you, or more like, your body feels like it can't really deal with doing anything anymore if you don't breathe first and moving the foreskin to your head with your thumb as your other four fingers move up and down the rest of your length increasing their pressure you start to feel a little light-headed and your left hand tries to leave your nose by itself, your mouth tries to open by itself, but you stop them and you're starting to feel a little dizzy and _shit_ you're so close, and John is going at it again too and he's panting much heavier than before and you hear a really quiet, but still there, whimper of "Dave..." escape John's mouth and and fuck, you're so dizzy you have to breathe you're going to come just one more pump to these fucking gorgeous blue eyes in your monitor and you'll be there and that deadly grin is one reserved just for you and you feel your balls tighten and you have to breathe and your cock is pulsating and you need to breathe and _fuck_, John...

Your left hand lets go of your nose and your mouth opens instinctively as you come harder than you ever remember yourself coming since you started masturbating years ago, with many heavy, loud gasps and sighs of varying length following each other, and you can't tell if it's because of not taking in any oxygen for minutes, because that felt _so fucking good_, or both, your hips and legs notably shaking quite a lot and there's so much cum shooting out your cock it reminds you of a fountain, and it definitely lasts more seconds than the typical one to three you get on a usual session.

After your body has taken more seconds to itself and you've calmed down a little, you're light-headed in a different way than before, there's a silly grin on your face, your eyelids feel heavy and you can just feel your cheeks burning. You feel more relaxed than ever.

"God damn, John. God _damn.._." you mutter slowly, not too loudly but just enough for John to hear.

"Heh, you sure sounded like you were enjoying yourself." John chuckles in reply.

Wait, what about John?

"Oh, right, did you come?"

"Yeah, but you were kind of too busy to realise." Another chuckle. "Maybe you should tell me about your dreams more often."

"Yeah, perhaps..."

"What was that?"

"I said that'd be completely uncool. Now, as much as I ironically like listening to your soft and soothing and kind of sickenly cute voice that's still so damn sexy somehow, I think that even if Bro doesn't get back soon then your dad will be up, and I don't feel like going through fucking interrogations about who I was talking to and wh-"

Wait.

Fuck.

_Fuck, Jesus balls._

"... Dave?" John asks in concern.

"I only just realised how much fucking cum I got literally all over my shirt, neck and even my cheek," you grunt, and you're sort of really pissed off – but you can't snap, not when there's not really a reason to and you don't even feel that bad deep inside, even if this is so uncool you feel like all your swag could just shoot itself our your body and start drying on your clothes and face as well and you wouldn't even be surprised right now.

John giggles, and like always, you find it so adorable that he giggles like a little kid.

Especially since he's obviously far from one.

"I'd lick it all off," he says, and you're entirely sure that he's licking his lips as he says that, and you immediately think about his goddamn grin and the comment you made and then the image of him pulling you on your bed, licking all the cum off your cheek and then giving you a deep kiss on the lips because it's not like you give a fuck before moving his mouth across your neck and nibbling as he also licks all the cum off as well and then just taking your shirt off because it's no fun if it's not on your skin and then –

"For fuck's sake, now I've a semi."

And John giggles again, and it somehow makes you get the most unmanly, most sissy, most uncool and most unironic small blush under your shades, but you wouldn't ever say that to anyone anyway. So you excuse yourself and say you'll just go and throw your shirt in the wash and just clean whatever you can from your body.

"Okay, good luck with that, guess it was... kind of my fault, ehehe."

"Yeah, well, I really am goin-"

"Wait," he stops you. "I forgot to say something."

You sit back down, not that you really even had the chance to just start lifting your ass from your chair, and pay attention. Everything the dork says is important, after all.

"... I love you too. So much."

The aforementioned blush deepens a bit and you get the widest smile on your face because you'll never get sick of hearing him saying some couple certain words just as much as you'd never get sick of the bastard's fucking beautiful blue eyes and his stupid grins he has for you only. But no one has to know.

"I know, you dweeb." But your tone of voice is rather different, and you know John can tell and is smiling too because of it.

The only way you could ever be happier is him coming to see you all the way from Washington again.

You end the call feeling like some giddy schoolgirl and right then you hear Bro's key on the door.

Damn, better get to the bathroom as fast as you can, maybe take a shower if there's any hot water.

… You still have a semi, Egbert that fucking bastard.

* * *

You come back in about half an hour with just a towel wrapped around your waist, fresh and clean and cool and all that shit with the cum-stained to hell and back shirt in the wash where it belongs, totally not having had another wank in the shower, and notice some 20-minute old notifications on your Pesterchum.

**- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:06 - **

EB: hey so like, dave

EB: maybe we should start sending each other more pictures

EB: if you're taking a shower i think it's a good time to take some

You think you might consider it.

* * *

**First time writing John/Dave/John, first time writing Homestuck and kind of first time writing anything that has to do with sex that isn't just implications/flirting.**** I just got this idea after surviving through a Physics exam and it wouldn't leave me alone, so I dunno, for a first time to all of these I guess it's kind of alright I guess. ¯\(°_o)/¯  
**

**There's probably tons of errors and as much as I tried to avoid it they ended up too OOC, so any kind of criticism is appreciated to the max. I hope it was an okay read, either way.  
**

**I was kind of making fun at how John was acting so dominant, but yet was probably so nervous of taking a pic that looked just right he tried a couple times or two before pretty much giving up, hence the file names, heh.  
**


End file.
